Another Mothers Day is here.
Our oldest called. Our youngest grunted. And the middle...well...he will probably try to call tonight.
I am not sure what I expected for Mother's Days. I see moms post pictures on FB about their wonderful kids and the gifts and dinners. Last Mothers Day was the first I got to spend at home. And that was because of Covid. This year is a choice.
I am exhausted. Mentally and physically. Work has picked up a lot. A lot a lot. I am so busy that Hubby is leaving his job at Hell because there is so much to do. That's a good thing. But because work has picked up I am unable to spend a day driving 2 hours to and from my mothers often. To which she guilts me endlessly. Instead of living 4 1/2 hours away she moved closer, but 2 hours is still 2 hours away.
My mother has never let me forget that I have not visited her for Mothers day. She does not like my excuses. That I own a business and 90% of the time I am working the weekend of Mothers day. It is also sometimes our wedding anniversary. This has all gotten worse after my sister went no contact. Now it falls on me.
My mother has admitted she is very selfish and has told me many times she should have never had children. She has also told me that she wonders often how different her life would have been if she had given me up for adoption, which was the original plan. She does not have patience for her grand children and great grand children but wants to be involved because...I don't know why. It is totally for selfish reasons. She suffers from depression and uses it to manipulate the people in her lives, which is only me. She has a neurotic dog which is another excuse to encourage her depression and general unhappiness.
All of that being said. I could drive down to see her today but I just don't want to. I don't want to spend 4 hours driving to see her and listen to her lament about how terrible her life is and how she wishes she had both of her daughters together for Mothers Day. And honestly, I am exhausted. I worked my ass off this weekend and it is miserable and raining out and I don't want to go.
But I feel guilty.
I can't help it.
I hate Mothers Day.
