Finally

 Probation is officially over on the 11th. But his PO stopped by and said goodbye and have a good life on the 1st. I came home to M drinking a beer! LOL The relief was palpable. There are still a lot of unknowns right now with the actual registry and how difficult it will make some things. But the fear of making a mistake and being sent back is gone. The fear and constant looking over his/our shoulders is gone. 

No this does not mean smooth sailing from here on out. There will and is still a lot to contend with. There is still family who can not forgive. He will still be labled as an SO for the rest of his life. But for now we can breath.

Small moments of Normal

Having the two younger boys at home has been an adventure. It is nice to see them hanging out playing video games and talking. M moved out when J was still in high school so they never really had the chance to hang out. On the 4th of July one of thier cousins came over and they were even playing foosball which they have not done in years. 

 I catch myself listening to them talk like normal brothers. 

 We went to the movies together the other day and they acted like teenagers throwing everything from the back seat at each other and just horsing around.

 M got to visit the lake with us a couple of weeks ago and commented that it almost felt normal.

 Almost normal. 

 A little over 100 days left until it can go to the "new normal". I am really not sure what that looks like but it has to be better than now. Right? I guess I feel bad that there are still things he can't do because of MSR. I know there is a lot he will not be able to do even once he off of it, but its the little things. 

Soon

Two steps forward One step back

 Ms PO stopped by this morning. 8:30 AM. 

Lovely. 

Half the house is not even up yet, including M. She brings another PO with her. Apparently this will be Ms new PO. 

Wonderful. 

This new PO seems to be even more of a stickler. 

Great.

His Roku TV that had been approved my his original PO is not approved by the new PO because it has YouTube on it. So back to the drawing board. We don't have cable. 

Peeing in a cup is apparently a monthly thing. 

Surprise.

His polygraph is next week. I know he is stressed about it. 

6 months. There is only 6 months left. Then we can be done with this stupidity. 

Home

 M came home last Monday. It has been a whirlwind of a week. 

His PO is moving everything quickly. He met with her the next morning, then went to register and then she came by the house. 

It is all a lot to unpack. It is all a lot of stress. M feels guilty for everything. He apologizes constantly.

Understandably he is not allowed to have access to any internet. At least for now. So all of our computers and phones are password protected. He is really good about it, he wont even look at a screen. He is able to have a tv as long as it is a ROKU and even a game system as long as it can't connect online, old Xbox for the win. Which means he is pretty happy. He is catching up on shows and thoroughly nerding out, playing card games with his brother. The two of them have been to the comic book store 3 times in as many days. 

Unfortunately his counselor inside was mistaken and he did have to register for life since his crime was done in another state. We had been told that because he was military the location did not matter. I am not sure if he would have had a lesser registry time anyway because of the 2 counts. 

It is nice having him home. It is stressful having him home. 

We are learning of certain family members who were supportive before who have now decided differently. We have always been kind of the black sheep of the family. We live about an hour away from everyone. So we are really not terribly crushed by it, but it is disappointing. M is feeling guilty about it. He has offered to move away and of course we are not having it. He is our son and we will support him no matter what. 

I can't imagine telling him he can not stay here. Where would he go? 

He told me once that he hated the military because he was alone. He has always been extremely social and he thought there would be comradery. He is not a big drinker but that is all his friends wanted to do. So he was lonely. He was open to advances. And that is what got him in trouble. 

Fortunately his probation or MSR (Mandatory Supervised Release) is for only 8 months. His PO seems nice enough and goes by the book. We will see. 

1 Week

 M will be home one week from today. Crazy really. It has been over 2 years since we have seen him. Aside from a single video call a few months ago. 

I am having a mix of feelings. I am excited and happy while being scared and sad at the same time. Happy and excited for obvious reasons. It has been so long since we have seen our son. Scared of the unknown. And sad for his future. 

We have been preparing for him to come home, legally of course. But there is still so much we do not know. Apparently a lot of it depends on the PO and what she requires. She seems nice and we know that M will follow the rules. But we dont have a list of what the rules are. 

I think that is our problem. We want to know what to expect but no one seems able to help with that to the extent that we would like. We like to have it all in black and white and there is so much gray that makes us uncomfortable.