Just that! He's home!
The MIL tried to tell us that he would be better riding in her sports car because it would be a smoother ride. I shut her down. How was he going to get in and out of her little car? I ignored her messages and got him home quite easily on my own.
It's all good. He's HOME!
We thought hubby was coming home today. Surprise! Nope, not yet.
His mother showed up again at the hospital. "My baby" Then proceeded to chatter and nag about everything. She started off by telling him that he needs to know what a miracle he is and how so many people had been praying for him. EVERY time she sees him she says the same thing. HE KNOWS!
I got into it with her. I am sick and tired of her. She just does not know when to stop. He tries to nap and she talks and talks and talks. She tells him he should nap and then does not shut up.
She made some comment about moving so she was not looking at his parts and I lost it. The other day she refused to look away when he was getting into the bed with his ass out. He is an adult! I don't care if you have seen it before, it is rude to keep staring at a grown mans ass when he is incapacitated. She is incredibly condescending.
She started accusing me of being competitive and I was competing with her and if something happened to my boys that I would be the same way. I am sorry but NO! I will not!
Deep breath
One of his nurses told me that they noticed when she walked in the room his blood pressure jumped 30 points. They watched it happen every time she walks in the room.
Just Breath
I can do this. I can get through this.
He will come home tomorrow. She will probably be there nagging the whole way and want to follow us home to "help".
It is his mother though and he can't tell her to stay away. So I guess I just have to suck it up.
I can do it. I promise. I can do it.
It is Sunday
No wait sorry it's Monday
I have spent every day from 8-8 at the hospital. I can't even think straight anymore. Today is the first day that I am not able to be there at 8am and it is because I have a client meeting that I can't afford to get out of. So I sent one of the boys. I don't want him alone at the hospital if at all possible. I can't imagine being there alone. It's bad enough he is there at all.
I am mentally exhausted.
His mother comes every day and moons over "her baby", talks constantly and critics the nurses. I can't stand it. I am sick of seeing her. I am sick of listening to her. I am sick of her. On a normal basis I can tolerate her in small doses and now I have her everyday. I am about to lose it.
The boys are wonderful. They are so sweet checking to make sure that I eat and sleep. I do forget to eat. But sleep comes pretty fast and easy. I am home by 8:30ish and in bed by 10. I can't stay awake any longer.
My brain just does not seem to know how to work anymore. I am not sure that I will know what to do with myself when he comes home.
Yesterday tears were at the surface all day. I am so incredibly grateful for all of the love and support that we have received. I almost lost it when I was working with a friend to get work covered. I did lose it when I read the letter I had typed out to tell our clients what had happened. I lost it when his wonderful nurse came in to say goodbye, she is off the next two days and we may not see her before he leaves.
It's Monday I have to try to remember that. Memorial day. Right. Monday. OK. I can do this.
God will not give you more than you can handle, He sure must think we can handle A LOT!
Hubby went to the hospital this week with chest pains. I was an hour away with my mother so I got a text from him saying
"Hows it going. Don't freak out."
"Going well. Why don't freak out?"
"I am at (the hospital)"
"ok. Why? Are you ok?"
"I think I had some chest pains"
I asked if they were doing tests and he said yes. Mom and I head back home, really not thinking the worst. Or rather trying not to. He had gone to the hospital with pains before only to have it be anxiety.
We pull into the parking lot of the hospital when hubby calls and says...
"You need to meet me at (another hospital 15 min away) they say I need emergency surgery"
"What!!!! Emergency surgery?"
"Yeah, they are taking me in an ambulance. Its the thing my dad has. "
His dad has a hereditary heart defect. He had a stint put in years ago. His grandfather with the same defect died on the operating table.
I try to ask a question and he says... "Oh, they say I am bleeding into my chest."
He is very nonchalant through all of this, although at that point I can hear fear in his voice.
We find out where we need to go and I start flying. I don't think my mother has heard me say as many swear words cussing people out for cutting me off or not letting me in as I try to get to the hospital during rush hour traffic before he dies. I fly to security who rushes me up to surgery while mom stays to wait for the boys. We made it up right before he goes in and I cuss him out. I tell him he promised me forever so he owes me. I think I called him an asshole. I honestly don't remember too much about that except I said f*#& and other things, with the nurses watching me. They take him prep and the doctor gives me the details.
Aortic Root Dissection
This is one of two ways that kills people "naturally" If he had waited any longer before he drove himself to the hospital he would have died. There was a 25% chance of death during surgery, he could lose a leg, brain function, organ failure etc etc.
Somehow I manage to get to the waiting area without losing it. The boys were not there yet. I was alone. I called the two people who I knew would get the word out. My MIL and our best friend. The boys finally arrive and I lose control. The next 6 hours friends and family arrive to a total of almost 15 people. The word is put out for prayers from everyone we can think of. My phone is blowing up constantly and I pace the aisle. The nurse calls every two hours to give me an update and as soon as she does a crowd gathers around me to listen.
I don't know what I would have done without them. They were a massive support system on the absolute worst day of my life. I don't know how I would have survived without them.
The nurse called about 8pm (4 hours in) to tell us he came through and they would be closing him up soon. It was another hour before she called to say they were closing him up and another hour before the doctor came out to talk to me. I am sure he was a bit surprised when everyone sat down to listen. A circle of 10 at that point all anxious to hear how he was. Fortunately our best friend and Js girlfriend both asked questions while all I cared about was when I could see him.
Surprisingly they let the family all come in. He was intubated and not awake, but he was ALIVE!
I tried to stay with him but they would not let me. They expected me to go home and sleep. It was after midnight at that point and of course sleep was not going to happen. But I relented and went home where I laid on the couch and attempted to sleep. Yeah No
We get to the hospital before visiting hours where I had to throw a fit to get to go up and wait to see him. I finally got the call that I could see him, he was awake.
I don't think I have ever been more overjoyed to see my husband all covered in wires and tubes and still intubated as that moment. He reached for my hand and wrote "Do I look Cool?" with is finger. I think that will go down as one of my best memories ever.
I am the most blessed and grateful person on the face of the Earth. The recovery time ahead is huge. But I don't care. He is Alive! I will take it all. All of the difficult times ahead are worth me being able to wake up next to him every day and tell him I love him.
Why yes you do look cool.
And why some people should not drink!
It was good. I guess too good to be true.
We decided to invite the family to a grill out. Casual, nothing fancy. More people ended up coming than we thought and it was still fine. We had a good time. Hung out on the deck. Had a couple of drinks, nothing major. We laughed we talked. The kids had a blast playing together in what seemed to have been forever. My BIL even came with his kids (Not the wife, she wanted alone time).
It was good.
My BIL was the last to leave. He had gotten sillier and sillier and I really had not paid attention until everyone else was gone. He had brought two bottles of booze, one for me for mothers day and one to drink, fine. Well what we did not realize is that he had almost finished off a fifth of gin by himself. At one point we thought/assumed that he had switched to water. We were wrong. His daughter actually took his last two drinks from him, which he did not seem to notice.
The kids had never seen their father drunk, so this was new to them. Our niece just told her younger brothers that he had to much silly juice and little kids that they are they did not think much of it. We got the kids settled down to watch a movie and BIL passed out in a chair. Sunday was a school night of course and it was getting late. So hubby and I decided that I would drive BILs car with the kids since that is where their car seats were and take them home and Hubby would follow with BIL in our car. This way if he got sick the kids would not see it.
I left with the kids while Hubby and M got BIL into our car. He fought and screamed that I was taking his children away from him. They finally got him in the car. He cussed out his brother, my husband, tried to get out of the car while it was moving, screamed and yelled and threatened to kill my husband and also cried about how he wanted to die and what a terrible father he was. This happened the entire way to his house. He apparently called me every name in the book because I was "taking his kids from him". They arrived after I did. He brushed past me saying he would never see me again, kicked their dog and slammed into the garage to pass out.
Happy Mothers Day to me. Sigh
I am not sure what we could/should have done differently. Our SIL is the one who has not been speaking to us but even she feels bad. I messaged her this morning asking if he was okay and she said he did not even remember last night. So I made sure to tell her.
It's just not worth it. To have a great day go to shit like that. I am not sure he could apologize enough to make me want to see him again. Hubby feels the same.
I'm done.
