Fear

 Unfounded or not it sneaks in. 

Today a 17 year old went missing in our subdivision. 

The location of our house is on a creek with a main road out front and a bridge over the creek. This afternoon we noticed a couple of people parked outside our house yelling a boys name over the bridge. We did not think much about it, people lose their dogs down at the creek all the time. I ran out and came home to 2 police cars sitting on the bridge with police wandering around. Hubby said that the police had stopped by and asked if we had seen the boy. He had gone fishing and was no where to be found now. We had not seen him. There is a pond up the street where people fish all of the time so honestly I thought they were in the wrong place. 

M came home shortly after I did and asked what was going on. "Shit, I saw that kid fishing at the pond when I came home from work" He goes out with Hubby to tell the police what he saw. They took his information and thanked him. When he cam back in, it occurred to all of us, that our house and his name were on the registry and the first thing they might think if they don't find the kid is that M had something to do with it. 

He has an alibi of course, he was home with us from the time he got off work to when he went out to dinner with his girlfriend. 

But the fear is still there. 

What if. 

The police have gone. I think it is too dark to look if they did not find him. I hope they did. If they don't our house may be the first place they stop. 

I hope they find him

Edit to add: They found him! 

Sleep

 Or the lack there of'

Sigh

My dreams are all of that day

I don't know why. It has been 10 weeks. Why am I dreaming about seeing him before he goes to surgery and then when it is over. The visuals are killing me. The stress and fear are mind numbing. 

When they say...

God will not give you more than you can handle, He sure must think we can handle A LOT! 

Hubby went to the hospital this week with chest pains. I was an hour away with my mother so I got a text from him saying 

"Hows it going. Don't freak out." 

"Going well. Why don't freak out?"

"I am at (the hospital)"

"ok. Why? Are you ok?"

"I think I had some chest pains"

I asked if they were doing tests and he said yes. Mom and I head back home, really not thinking the worst. Or rather trying not to. He had gone to the hospital with pains before only to have it be anxiety. 

We pull into the parking lot of the hospital when hubby calls and says...

"You need to meet me at (another hospital 15 min away) they say I need emergency surgery" 

"What!!!! Emergency surgery?"

"Yeah, they are taking me in an ambulance. Its the thing my dad has. "

His dad has a hereditary heart defect. He had a stint put in years ago. His grandfather with  the same defect died on the operating table.

I try to ask a question and he says... "Oh, they say I am bleeding into my chest." 

He is very nonchalant through all of this, although at that point I can hear fear in his voice. 

We find out where we need to go and I start flying. I don't think my mother has heard me say as many swear words cussing people out for cutting me off or not letting me in as I try to get to the hospital during rush hour traffic before he dies. I fly to security who rushes me up to surgery while mom stays to wait for the boys. We made it up right before he goes in and I cuss him out. I tell him he promised me forever so he owes me. I think I called him an asshole. I honestly don't remember too much about that except I said f*#& and other things, with the nurses watching me. They take him prep and the doctor gives me the details. 

Aortic Root Dissection

This is one of two ways that kills people "naturally" If he had waited any longer before he drove himself to the hospital he would have died. There was a 25% chance of death during surgery, he could lose a leg, brain function, organ failure etc etc. 

Somehow I manage to get to the waiting area without losing it. The boys were not there yet. I was alone. I called the two people who I knew would get the word out. My MIL and our best friend. The boys finally arrive and I lose control. The next 6 hours friends and family arrive to a total of almost 15 people. The word is put out for prayers from everyone we can think of. My phone is blowing up constantly and I pace the aisle. The nurse calls every two hours to give me an update and as soon as she does a crowd gathers around me to listen. 

I don't know what I would have done without them. They were a massive support system on the absolute worst day of my life. I don't know how I would have survived without them. 

The nurse called about 8pm (4 hours in) to tell us he came through and they would be closing him up soon. It was another hour before she called to say they were closing him up and another hour before the doctor came out to talk to me. I am sure he was a bit surprised when everyone sat down to listen. A circle of 10 at that point all anxious to hear how he was. Fortunately our best friend and Js girlfriend both asked questions while all I cared about was when I could see him.

Surprisingly they let the family all come in. He was intubated and not awake, but he was ALIVE! 

I tried to stay with him but they would not let me. They expected me to go home and sleep. It was after midnight at that point and of course sleep was not going to happen. But I relented and went home where I laid on the couch and  attempted to sleep. Yeah No

We get to the hospital before visiting hours where I had to throw a fit to get to go up and wait to see him. I finally got the call that I could see him, he was awake. 

I don't think I have ever been more overjoyed to see my husband all covered in wires and tubes and still intubated as that moment. He reached for my hand and wrote "Do I look Cool?" with is finger. I think that will go down as one of my best memories ever. 

I am the most blessed and grateful person on the face of the Earth. The recovery time ahead is huge. But I don't care. He is Alive! I will take it all. All of the difficult times ahead are worth me being able to wake up next to him every day and tell him I love him. 

Why yes you do look cool. 

People Suck

 I got a call from someone claiming to be a State Police Sargent. He left a message saying he need to get in touch with M. M had just checked his phone and had recieved a text message after a missed call with the same message. 

He gets on the phone with them and they claim that he had missed a "meeting" and there was a federal arrest warrent issued for him. They had sent notice of this "meeting" via certified mail and it was signed as having been recieved. He denied ever recieving anything and they said he needed to come to the state police department to sign a card front and back to prove he did not sign it. Then he needed to pay 10% of a PR bond $4500 that would be refunded if he was proven correct. 

They tell him he has to stay on the phone with them. He is in panic mode so Hubby says he will go with him since M can't drive, stay on the phone and look at directions at the same time. They tell us that no one is allowed to go with him. That does not fly of course. They tell us that we are not allowed to go and loiter in the parking lot to which we tell them that we will drop M and go to Walmart or somewhere else to wait for him. 

They get to the bank so that M can get the cash while I am contacting his PO and asking about it on Reddit. Now that Hubby is going they change their tune. Now they want him to deposit the money in a kiosk nearby and come down to the police station with a statement from the kiosk. They tell M that if he does not come by with the statement that he will be arrested on site. 

I get on the phone with the police department they orriginally wanted him to go to and am told that everything is done through the courts that the police will never ask for cash. I let M and Hubby know and this but M of course is still worried about the potential warrent for his arrest. I call the police again and she says that she cannot tell me if there is a warrent but after looking his name up tells me it is 100% a scam. 

M tells the guy on the phone. They tell M that if he does not come by with the statement that he will be arrested on site. We are 90% sure it is a scam at this point but there is still the fear of a warrent so they go by our local police department. They reassure him that there is no warrent. 

All of this time Ms phone keeps disconnecting from the scammers. While they were leaving the police department the scammer calls back and M takes the phone inside and offeres it to the police officer he had just been talking to. Click.

They drove by the location of the kiosk that they wanted him to deposit the money into and it was a Bitcoin machine in the back of a gas station. 

Lesson learned but now we are all ready for a drink.