Will it never end

 We both think he is possessed. The BIL. Yes we believe possession is real and he has a demon in him. 

The In-laws have been talking to him a bit and somehow were allowed to go to a game one of the kids were playing. He then agreed to bring the kids by so the kids could all get their birthday presents and see their grandparents. All was going well until he started a tariff rant with my FIL. Which then evolved into "How can you be ok with a felon for the President?" and then "Oh well you are ok with having a felon for a Grandson" Which evolved into him screaming and yelling and making the kids cry and telling his little kids who did not know about M, 6 and 10, about M. 

The next morning he calls and apologizes.  

This is not normal. 

We are done. I will continue to pray for him and his kids, but I have no desire to ever see him or his wife again. I feel bad for the kids. They are watching this insanity and are stuck in the middle. I will miss the kids. 

No more.

And it continues

 I woke up this morning to a massive migraine and M telling me that Grandma (My MIL) called was trying to get ahold of us and we were not answering our phones. It was 7am. 

I go wake up hubby and he calls his mother. The BIL had sent a text to both of them at 4 am threatening to kill himself. Because of all of this. This being the drama that he continues to create. Hubby tries to call him after talking to his mother and of course does not get an answer. After leaving a message he gets a text from his brother saying not to panic that this was just his normal morning ritual. WTF! 

I climb back into bed while hubby calls his mother back and try to pass out. I dozed briefly and wake to hear her reading the appeal again and asking questions again and again and again. We have been through this so many times now it is nauseating. (Not that the migraine helped that) It is after 9am when he finally tells her he is done and hangs up. 

Hubby texts his brother back apologizing again, for the umpteenth time, and says he is available for a phone call if he ever wants to talk. 

A short time ago hubby receives a text from his brother blaming him for not telling him sooner about their parents divorce 40 years ago, he was 6, and saying that their grandmother deserved to know that M was a pedophile while she was dying of cancer in a home during Covid. 

He has lost his mind.  

The letter that will never be sent

 

What do you want from us?

Do you want us to apologize for not telling you as soon as we knew?

Honestly there is no point. Nothing we tell you, obviously, is going to change what happened or how you feel. 

You complain about how you have lost your family and you can’t trust us. You did that to yourself. Do you think we have not lost a family? Do you think your wife texting/calling everyone to make sure they knew about what M did was going to ensure that we would have a relationship with anyone in our family?

Oh but that’s right, we did YOU wrong. You are the ones that have to suffer the burden of a child who went to prison for something unimaginable. You are the ones who had to try to explain to the family what happened while still trying to keep the family together. You were the ones who had to go through a child who did this. You are the ones who have to live with this.

But you are the ones who were betrayed because we did not tell you as soon as we knew what he had done, even though it had absolutely NOTHING to do with you. M has never and never would touch or do anything to your daughter. M does not even know where you live.

There was a comment made at the court martial by the prosecutor which was objected by M’s lawyers. That is the only mention of a niece.

The communications that were found in chat were fragments. He was being led to say things by the person/sting. Do I defend M? Hell no! There is no excuse for what was said or what he viewed.

You have no idea what we have been through the last few years. The pure hell we have been living through.

But you expect that we should have involved you in everything from the moment that we knew what he was being investigated for? From the very moment that we were told?

Well ok. I am sorry we did not tell you as soon as we got off the phone or left the court room. Because you are the only one who matters. YOUR family is the ONLY one impacted by this. Oh wait! Your family was NOT impacted by this. You just have this perceived thought that it does. That because you have a daughter who loved our son but was never around him alone or even for very long, that this is about you. That because he works “close” to where you live that he is stalking her? Even though he does not know where you live?

I am sorry your daughter feels like a victim, but that is not because of us. You were the ones who had her read the appeal.

I am sorry you feel like we should have involved you from the moment we knew, but that was not your decision to make. It was ours. And when your children grow up I hope you never have to make such a decision. I hope your children grow up perfect and you never have to go through what we have gone through.

I am sorry that we no longer have an extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. But I will be honest and say that we have never been close and ever since our boys were young you judged them and made them feel less than. From RJ being berated for smoking, even though your own wife smoked, to your wife losing her shit because MJ posted a meme that your wife disagreed with and then blocking us all when Trump won the election in 2016, to again going ballistic when he won this year. 

After serving almost 3 years in prison and 9 months of probation, M has served his time. He underwent psychological testing and therapy during that time and the therapist gave him a .001% chance that he would reoffend.

We can’t fix the issues you have with us. But you can and you should fix the issues you have with your parents. They did nothing wrong but support our family, just as they would support yours.

You don’t have to worry about us going to family events. We will not. We have always felt like the black sheep of the family so it is nothing new to us.

Goodbye

The nuclear option

 Our Christmas will be a lot smaller this year. I enjoyed having a large family while I had it, but I am fine with a small family, it's what I grew up with. 

Our SIL has gone and called the rest of the family to tell them about M. They knew about him but she found his appeal papers and they go into detail without context or explanation. So we will be staying home this year. 

She also found out where he works. His company accepts him. They did a background check and he actually told them before they hired him. But she swears he works too close to where they live and that M is somehow stalking their daughter. He does not even know where they live! If she causes him to lose his job, WE will go nuclear. I don't know if she knows about the girlfriend but I suspect if she does we can expect her to try to ruin that. 

There is a demon sitting on that woman. What kind of person does this?

Drama be damned

 It turns out Christmas will actually be enjoyable this year! Through no fault of our own. 

M called his uncle who did not answer. Convenient. He left a message answering his questions and offering to answer any more if he calls back. Which of course he has not done. I really don't expect him to. 

I guess BIL had told Hubby that if he does not get a chance to talk to M that he would just confront him at Christmas. Yeah that's not gonna happen! 

We had pretty much decided we would just stay home except for Christmas at the in laws when mt MIL called and said they are postponing Christmas until New Years day because the weather, illness etc. 

So guess what? I get Christmas at home with our boys and the grandson! 

It is pretty sad that I am so excited about this turn of events. But I just can't help it. I am happy.

Ugh More Drama

 And the BILs drama continues. He finally answered a call from hubby. Then complained about all of this happening around the Holidays. Right, hubby has been calling him for 2 years!

Of course it is still our fault. Our fault that we did not confide in him right away, because of course it is all about him. He has kids so of course we were supposed to notify him right away and M was supposed to write a long letter and explain himself while in prison. And why did M plead guilty. He would have more respect for him if he had was still in prison because he fought it. And it just goes on and on but ultimately it comes down to M has destroyed the family. 

Our boys have never really liked their uncle. He has never been the kind of uncle that they would have looked up to. Every family gathering he would cause some sort of drama by arguing with people or in the case of our boys, yelling at them. He told our oldest once that he was embarrassed to share the same last name. He screamed and yelled at him for smoking while his own wife smoked. He softened slightly when he had his own kids but by that time the damage was done. 

In contrast our M and J are the fun uncles. C comes over and the two of them play with him all day. C loves his uncles and I think he visits just so he can play with them! 

M is going to call his uncle today. He is not going to "explain himself" or beg forgiveness but offer to answer any questions BIL may have, which has been offered to anyone that knows. And a few of the family have actually called to talk to him and ask questions. 

M had a couple of drinks last night. We all did. 

Guess it might be a quiet Christmas spent at home again. 

Family Drama

 So tired of entitled family members who think that what M did is all about them. 

I am so tired of my MIL trying to fix the issues with us and my BIL and his wife. Apparently we are the ones that need to contact them and explain (AGAIN) about M and reassure them. We are the ones who should reach out to them. We are the ones that should invite them to Thanksgiving so that they can confront M. Because it is all about them.

Right Not Happening

This did not impact them in any way. This does not change their lives. They did not lose a son for 3 years. They are not the ones who have had to explain this to people. They did not spend months in tears. They did not have to turn their lives upside down when he came home. 

They are the ones who told us they would support M and us. They were the ones who turned their backs on us and then told their 10 year old daughter to fear M. They were the ones to stop taking our calls. They are the ones who give us the cold shoulder at family get togethers. 

Yet we are the ones that have to console them.

Fuck that. I'm done with them. If they want a relationship with us they need to reach out to us. 

I'm done