Dating

 He met a girl! M signed up for a dating app and they have been chatting and have had a few dates now. He was so nervous the first date. He just left for their 4th date. She does not live locally though. She is from Wisconsin and is in town for a few months on an internship before going hone for Thanksgiving and then back to college in another state. 

He likes her a lot. 

He has not told her yet. And we have advised him not to yet. Since she is leaving town in a few weeks there is really no reason to bring all of that into the mix. Obviously if it extends beyond just dating then there will need to be a conversation. It is not like he can easily move to another state to be with her if she does not want to move here. 

So we will wait and see if anything comes of this. Or if it is just a diversion for him. It is great to see him so happy right now. 

God speaking?

There is something that I have started to feel pretty strongly about. This is a recent feeling and one that today I am feeling stronger than ever. I know where it is coming from but I have not figured out how to actually act on it.
Since we discovered what M was being investigated for I joined a few groups for support for families and actual offenders. What is coming to light to me is the harassment and anger that is directed to those who are on the List. The mean and nasty comments on posts is distressing to me. Comments wishing SOs go to hell and that God does not love them and they should be castrated. The comments and general feeling of society is disheartening.
I do admit that before I knew M would be on the registry we knew about it and worried about all of the molesters and rapists who were on it and if they would live close to us and our children. Little did I know what the List really was. A way to ostracize a group of people who had served their time and were just trying to get back to living a normal life. SO's are looked upon as lepers to society, evil doers who should not be allowed to actually live.
What has really surprised me is those who profess to be Christians kicking SO's out of church. Christians who villainize and attack people on the list all in the name of God.
How is this of God?
It is not. That is what I am coming to realize. This is NOT of God.
One of the 10 commandments is to love your neighbor. One of the most used words in the New Testament is Love. There are more instances of the word Love than the word Sin. God commands us to love one another. Jesus spent more time with sinners than saints. And who among us is a saint?
Jesus was also a big proponent of forgiveness. Who needs to be forgiven? Sinners. Forgiveness is granted to those who profess their sins and ask for forgiveness and sin no more. The percentage of SO's who are on the list that actually reoffend is 5-15% according to most studies.
Sex offenders should be treated as any other sinner who is trying to sin no more. Not as a leper to society who should never be seen or heard. Who should be tortured and tormented just for living. This is where I feel God speaking to me. There are many organizations that are trying to get rid of the registry. (I have them listed on my side bar) But so far I have not found a faith based group or organization that is willing to show love and support and no judgement. I am not sure what this means for me. But it is something I am feeling in my heart that there needs to be. People who are on the list deserve to be loved and cared for just as much as those who were victimized.
People make mistakes.
People deserve forgiveness.
Those who are without sin cast the first stone.

Discovering the unfairness of it all

I could not sleep last night.
I learned something about the registry yesterday and I am just stunned in disbelief. M's crime took place in Delaware, there he would be required to register for 15 years. If he had done the crime in our home state of Kentucky he would be required to register for 10 years. But here is the kicker, Kentucky requires all out of state offenders to register for LIFE! So when he comes home to be with his support system he will have to register for life instead of 10 or 15 years.
How is that a fair system? How is that NOT punishing someone for coming home?
Unreal.

Someone asked me yesterday if I saw registrants differently now being so close to it. I was surprised that my answer was yes. You don't know someone else's pain until you experience it yourself. I had no idea that the registry encompasses EVERYTHING the law deems a sex crime. So a 12 year old who moons someone is on the registry along with someone who peed against a wall in public, along with someone who raped a minor. Everyone of those people is labeled with the sex offender red letter. The registry is out of control. It should only be for those who have done a violent crime or reoffenders.

There are groups working towards sensible registry laws. I have included links on the sidebar of the blog. I think the laws need to change.