Thanksgiving 2.0

 Thanksgiving has come and gone and it was surprisingly nice. The only fault I have with it is that our oldest and his wife were not here. 

M got his first real Thanksgiving in over 4 years. Last Thanksgiving they ran out of food at the brig so he had mashed potato's. This year I made everything he loves and made sure he got plenty! 

In years past we have had the entire family of 30+ people over. This year I decided we were going small. Due to the flu we went from 6 to 12, but I am ok with that. We had a relaxing day, too much to eat and time out by the fire with drinks before cutting into the pies. M had his first drink in 3 years! 

It was good. 

Another Holiday

 Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and surprisingly it was much like last Thanksgiving except this one small Thanksgiving was thanks to Covid. However that did not make it any easier. 

The stress of all of this is taking its toll. 

MJ called late. Somehow he got permission even though it was after lights out. He sounded down. They apparently ran out of food before his group got to eat so he pretty much had scraps. Which I guess most people might shrug and say "Well he is in prison" which is true, but it does not make it any easier. 

His parole hearing with the actual parole board is in January. Honestly though we are so tired of even having to deal with all of it. It is all just so much. 

There are moments of light and joy. I put our Christmas decorations up early this year. I needed it. This was the first year I have ever put the decorations up or played Christmas music before Thanksgiving ever. It's kind of nice. 

I am trying to find joy. It used to be there all of the time. Now it is only there in small moments. So now I actively seek it. I look for it everywhere. It is much harder to find now. But at least I am looking.

17 Days

Since we have talked to M.
Thanksgiving has come and gone. 2+ weeks. And we have not heard a word.
I know we can expect to not hear from him often, but this is heartbreaking. The not knowing how he is doing. What is going on with him. I have my phone by my side constantly now. I used to ignore it, but not anymore.
I hoped they would let him call on Thanksgiving.
My Dad called, who I have not talked to in a few months. (Terrible I know) He asked about M. I lied. I told him he was deployed and we did not know where he was. My Dad is retired military. I am afraid to tell him. I don't think he would judge, but I so don't want to disappoint him.
Thanksgiving was a quiet, somber affair. Our oldest came over with his wife and our 4 year old grandson, so there was chaos created by him. But the elephant was in the room. Bourbon and wine was poured often.
After dinner we played "Ticket to Ride", a board game we had all been wanting to play. J actually played a round with us, as did my mother. I think we were all trying to block out the past year.
To forget for just a few hours.

It's the Night Before Thanksgiving

And thoughts are running wild. We have still not heard from M. It has been 2 weeks. We have cut our Thanksgiving down from 38 family members to our close 7. We just don't feel like talking to people and answering the questions that are sure to come. We have not told anybody really. I think the count is 11 who know part or all of it.
Tomorrow will be rough. M was home last year. We have a huge family photo that we took and he was standing in the back with his cousins. The picture showing up in my Facebook memories last week.
I have never been able to have Thanksgiving for just the immediate family before. Sad that it has taken this to make it happen. J wanted it. He did not want to socialize with everyone anymore than the rest of us. I am somewhat looking forward to a smaller group. I hope I can make it through the day. But then if I don't, it's ok.
I hope he calls soon.