Fear

 Unfounded or not it sneaks in. 

Today a 17 year old went missing in our subdivision. 

The location of our house is on a creek with a main road out front and a bridge over the creek. This afternoon we noticed a couple of people parked outside our house yelling a boys name over the bridge. We did not think much about it, people lose their dogs down at the creek all the time. I ran out and came home to 2 police cars sitting on the bridge with police wandering around. Hubby said that the police had stopped by and asked if we had seen the boy. He had gone fishing and was no where to be found now. We had not seen him. There is a pond up the street where people fish all of the time so honestly I thought they were in the wrong place. 

M came home shortly after I did and asked what was going on. "Shit, I saw that kid fishing at the pond when I came home from work" He goes out with Hubby to tell the police what he saw. They took his information and thanked him. When he cam back in, it occurred to all of us, that our house and his name were on the registry and the first thing they might think if they don't find the kid is that M had something to do with it. 

He has an alibi of course, he was home with us from the time he got off work to when he went out to dinner with his girlfriend. 

But the fear is still there. 

What if. 

The police have gone. I think it is too dark to look if they did not find him. I hope they did. If they don't our house may be the first place they stop. 

I hope they find him

Edit to add: They found him! 

Under attack

 Back in July our youngest was moved to pray during church. God spoke to him that day. And J had an experience that I hope for myself. He spoke in tongues! Amazing!

He found himself led to get more involved and he has since done so. He reached out and he is now involved with the young adults ministry and with his girlfriend they take care of the 2 year old's during services. 

We are so proud of him! 

A couple of weeks later he was driving to work and was stopped at a light. A semi truck barreled into him, pushing his car into the one in front of him. He was knocked out briefly and both cars were totaled. He survived! Actually he walked away! He did go to the emergency room and they found he had a concussion but other than some minor cuts from broken glass he is fine. 

                                                            He was hit by a semi truck! 

And he walked away!

He told us later he was listening to the Bible, Exodus to be exact. 

He is still dealing with the insurance companies. The trucker is not an English speaker and was also uninsured. So of course everything is complicated. His insurance company does not offer a rental so he borrowed my SUV and has been driving that until he can get a new car once the insurance is cleared up.

Monday we get a call from J. He was in another car accident. Someone ran a red light. J was crossing the intersection, saw the car coming and slammed on his brakes but could not stop in time. 

Again he is ok! The other car is totaled and my SUV is old so the insurance will probably total it as well, but it is drivable. 

What is going on? Neither accident was his fault and both could have killed him. He is under attack and God is keeping him safe. 

God has a hand and a plan for J. Satan is trying to get rid of him and God is keeping him alive. It is the only answer! 

Pray for him. Pray for our son, because I think he needs it! 

He has a GIRLFRIEND!

 Yep! M has a girlfriend. 

For most people that would not be something to shout from the rooftops about, but for M, it is! He had resigned himself to never finding someone who would accept him and be as nerdy as he is. He swore he would never marry. Thanks to a friend he reconnected with this Spring. This was his best friend in high school. They lost touch when he went into the military partially due to some bullshit that happened with another friend. When M came home we encouraged him to reach out and he was afraid to. Well God works in mysterious ways! 

J is in a bowling league with his girlfriends dad. While bowling one evening he met the brother of M's buddy. The brother contacted M's buddy and got them reconnected. Now M and J are both in the friends wedding this fall! LOL! 

The friend, I will call him JD, who has accepted M and loves him dearly, found out about M's fear of girls and not being accepted. JD has a female friend who he worked with at a movie theater and is extremely nerdy. He and his fiancé started to invite her to get togethers with M. J and his girlfriend got wind of it and started doing the same thing! M and B (The girlfriend) started to talk and discovered how much alike they are and now they are inseparable! It is like they have been together for years. 

M says she is the female version of him. And he says he is going to marry her! We could not be happier for him. He has been through so much and it is wonderful to see him happy again. Things will not be easy, of course, especially once they have kids. But for now he is happy and in love and I am thrilled to see it! 

God answers Prayers!

Faith and Assholes

 The asshole being our oldest son. Sigh

I love him, don't get me wrong. But he can and is a real asshole. 

Our Faith is very important to us and it was to him when he was young, before his life went in a direction where he is not happy due to decisions he has made and drugs that has done. Now he has decided that there is no God and anyone who believes in Him is an idiot and deserves his mockery and derision. 

Honestly it is painful. We raised our sons to be strong in Faith. There has been so many times when prayers were answered and miracles happened that we would be blind to not believe. 

Hubby and I have both given him over to God. Somehow we were praying for the same thing in church one morning. And we know that nothing we can do will turn him around. Only God can do that. I am not sure how He will do it, but we know He will. Until then we will continue to pray and continue to look for the day when he is called by God to follow Him again. 

It will happen. God always prevails.

It's Fine

 It's Fine. Everything is Fine.

The newest term added to the family language lexicon. Our youngest added it at the hospital during the days after Hubby's heart malfunction. 

It seems to fit quite often. A sarcastic way of admitting to being fine but not really "fine". 

Most of the time we really are just fine. However there are quite a few times lately when "fine" takes on that other meaning. 

When the oldest and his wife throw their lives into a tailspin so that she can quit her job and start a new career and they no longer have her income so they decide to sell their house and move in with her mother. There is a lot more there to unpack but that is the short version. "It's Fine"

When M gets billed by the military but is able to get a smaller payment for a year, knowing that they want that 50K paid off in 3 years and at 150 a month that wont cut it. "It's fine"

When we are approved for Medicaid because the business is not doing as well so we do not make any money. "It's Fine" 

When the business is not doing as well so we sold off the brick and mortar location and we are able to pay the bills now. "It's Fine" 

Honestly though, I don't have many complaints. Because we are blessed beyond belief. God has made all of these "bad" things into good things or at least better for the time being. We are paying the bills. We do have Medicaid to pay for the many many medications Hubby is now on. M is making payments towards his new debt. And it is all really Fine.

( Except for the oldest, we need prayer for the oldest. He has decided he no longer believes in God and that Faith is a cult.)

When the Military wants to screw you over

They continue to pay you until your contract is up and then demand the money back 3 years later. 

Yeah that is the short version. 

While M was inside he continued to get paid even though he should not have been. We talked to the lawyer, we contacted the Air Force. We talked to everyone we could but he continued to get paid. Once his contract was up, the payments stopped. We threw our hands up and said mkay, we did everything we could to figure it out. We heard nothing. 

Fast forward to M being home for 2 years and off contract for 3 and now they want their money back. And not just the money they paid, but they have tacked on 3% interest for the past 3 years. They have had his contact information for 3 years! And suddenly they expect him to pay a lump sum of 55,000 or 1500 every month for the next 3 years. 

He makes 23,000 a year. After his expenses he has less than $500 left every month. He still lives with us because he can't afford a house or apartment. 

Gotta love the government. When they want to screw you they do it in a big way.

Love is a Verb

 The theme at church the last few weeks have been about servanthood and the GOATs of our church. This past Sunday was a bit different and it hit home for me "Love is a Verb" I love this! 

Rob says I have childlike faith. I guess this is because most normal people question or doubt God at some point in their lives and I have never done that. I have just always believed and always trusted in Him. 

I am a full proponent of the commandments Love God and Love your Neighbor. Not to say that I have never judged people, because I am human after all. But I do believe that EVERYONE deserves/needs Gods love. And that it is not my place to place judgement on others, how they live, how they do things etc. 

Matthew 7:1–5

    "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye."

It is not our place to judge others but to Love others unconditionally. So why do we still feel the need to judge others? Do we think that we are like God? We are a lost people. When we ate the apple at the beginning of known time we opened ourselves up to sin. We are stubborn and we were given free will. It is what we choose to do with that free will that causes so much pain and strife in our lives. We tell people how we think they should be instead of showing them love. We judge them and put them down instead of showing them love. This needs to stop. As Christians we should be showing others how to live in Gods grace by showing them unconditional love. Again it is not our place to judge them, only to love them. 

Romans 5:8

            “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”

Instead of judging others, God tells us to LOVE others. It is the greatest thing that we can do. Show them love! Serve others. By serving others we are loving them. Show our neighbors love in all ways. People do not want to hear how you love them , although that is nice sometimes, they need you to show them how you love them.

1 Cor 8-13

            “Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love”

We can try to live sinless lives. But personally I do not think that is possible. I do believe that as Christlike as we try to be, as long as we believe that Christ died for us, that all will be forgiven. He promised us we were forgiven. We live in a sin filled world, we are not and can not be perfect, only He is. But what we can do is to love. Love others.

Love is a Verb