I hate that about myself. I hate that I was upset, not upset upset, that R was not feeling well enough for us to go to a friends 4th of July party.
He has been doing great! But one of his meds ended and the withdrawals from it is making him sick.
I mean I wasn't really upset, but I was. I feel terrible that I was disappointed. I shouldn't feel like that. I should and do feel grateful that he is still here. I mean I cry with gratitude when we make love!
But
Yeah there it is. But
I feel lonely. And tired.
The last 6 weeks have been stressful and long. And I want to go spend time with friends. I want to go out. I want to go back to before.
He told me I should go without him. That is silly. They are our friends and going to drink and play in a pool without him is just not going to happen.
I am just tired. And lonely.
I will get through this. It's not about me. I am so incredibly grateful. I can't be selfish
You are not selfish. Everyone wants the experience: The joy of a normal day. I once read that in a book long ago. After all you have been through, this is what I wish for you. The simple joy of normalcy. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. God bless you and your family.
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