So far so good

 As we get further into all of this I see that I have much to be grateful for. 

M is home and that is a wonderful thing. He has gotten us back into playing board games and D&D. He plays card games and hangs out with his younger brother J. 

There was one dramatic episode a few weeks ago but it was not due to him, it was actually J who started it. 

Ms therapy is going well. He and the doctor talk about everything, but does not feel that M is a threat so tells him all of the time that he does not even know why M is there. 

The new PO is hands off, which is good. She stopped by his work and met his boss, who is a close friend of ours. 

There are a couple of things. The main one being that he has to get permission for just about everything. He is not permitted to go to anything where there might be a minor attending without the PO calling and talking to everyone involved. And we don't want to get people involved in that. Last week our nephew asked us to watch his 1 year old last minute and M had to stay in his room because he does not have permission to be around the baby. It's frustrating because he calls his room his cell sometimes. I have noticed he keeps his door open all of time unless he is sleeping. 

M is really feeling frustrated that he is still not allowed certain game machines that connect virtually. He is a big gamer and says that he actually had more freedoms in prison when it comes to that. 

He had his poly a couple of weeks ago and it went fine. It was not the history that everyone had warned us about but it was still stressful. He was congested and the guy told him to not sniffle because it would change the readings, so M tried to alter his breathing to not sniffle and the guy told him not to do that either! 

There are only 4 months left. I am truly grateful he did not get a long probation like so many do. 

All in all we are doing ok and getting through this together. 

A normal Mothers Day?

 I am not sure I know what would be considered normal anymore! But I think this Mothers Day would probably be considered more normal than not. 

It was good. I enjoyed it. I think this was the first Mothers Day that I have ever really enjoyed. There was no pressure or guilt or stress. 

All three of our sons were here. It's the first time in over 6 years that I have had all three boys over for mothers day. The youngest called off work so he could spend the day with us. My mother and Hubbys mother both came by and spent the day. 

And it was good. 

Two steps forward One step back

 Ms PO stopped by this morning. 8:30 AM. 

Lovely. 

Half the house is not even up yet, including M. She brings another PO with her. Apparently this will be Ms new PO. 

Wonderful. 

This new PO seems to be even more of a stickler. 

Great.

His Roku TV that had been approved my his original PO is not approved by the new PO because it has YouTube on it. So back to the drawing board. We don't have cable. 

Peeing in a cup is apparently a monthly thing. 

Surprise.

His polygraph is next week. I know he is stressed about it. 

6 months. There is only 6 months left. Then we can be done with this stupidity. 

Strange but Good

 It is odd having two sons home. Fortunately there have not been any wrestling matches like the last time M came home to visit. Our youngest was in between jobs for a couple of weeks so the two brothers spent quite a bit of time together. There were many days of trips to the comic book store for games. There were quite a few game nights before they both started new jobs. 

M is working construction for a friend. He enjoys working with his hands and it is a friend of ours who knows his story and still stands by him. 

His risk assessment came back before Easter. He is at the lowest possibility to ever reoffend. The doctor also says he is the most honest person he is ever met. M suffers from a bit of depression which is to be expected and PTSD as well. He has anxiety attacks when there are police nearby. Again no surprise. 

Fortunately with the results we were finally able to see our grandson at the house for Easter. It was wonderful to see the whole family together again. C was excited to see his uncle but more excited to be at Mimi and Pop Pops house again. 

Home

 M came home last Monday. It has been a whirlwind of a week. 

His PO is moving everything quickly. He met with her the next morning, then went to register and then she came by the house. 

It is all a lot to unpack. It is all a lot of stress. M feels guilty for everything. He apologizes constantly.

Understandably he is not allowed to have access to any internet. At least for now. So all of our computers and phones are password protected. He is really good about it, he wont even look at a screen. He is able to have a tv as long as it is a ROKU and even a game system as long as it can't connect online, old Xbox for the win. Which means he is pretty happy. He is catching up on shows and thoroughly nerding out, playing card games with his brother. The two of them have been to the comic book store 3 times in as many days. 

Unfortunately his counselor inside was mistaken and he did have to register for life since his crime was done in another state. We had been told that because he was military the location did not matter. I am not sure if he would have had a lesser registry time anyway because of the 2 counts. 

It is nice having him home. It is stressful having him home. 

We are learning of certain family members who were supportive before who have now decided differently. We have always been kind of the black sheep of the family. We live about an hour away from everyone. So we are really not terribly crushed by it, but it is disappointing. M is feeling guilty about it. He has offered to move away and of course we are not having it. He is our son and we will support him no matter what. 

I can't imagine telling him he can not stay here. Where would he go? 

He told me once that he hated the military because he was alone. He has always been extremely social and he thought there would be comradery. He is not a big drinker but that is all his friends wanted to do. So he was lonely. He was open to advances. And that is what got him in trouble. 

Fortunately his probation or MSR (Mandatory Supervised Release) is for only 8 months. His PO seems nice enough and goes by the book. We will see. 

1 Week

 M will be home one week from today. Crazy really. It has been over 2 years since we have seen him. Aside from a single video call a few months ago. 

I am having a mix of feelings. I am excited and happy while being scared and sad at the same time. Happy and excited for obvious reasons. It has been so long since we have seen our son. Scared of the unknown. And sad for his future. 

We have been preparing for him to come home, legally of course. But there is still so much we do not know. Apparently a lot of it depends on the PO and what she requires. She seems nice and we know that M will follow the rules. But we dont have a list of what the rules are. 

I think that is our problem. We want to know what to expect but no one seems able to help with that to the extent that we would like. We like to have it all in black and white and there is so much gray that makes us uncomfortable. 

2021

 Today is the last day of 2021. Tomorrow begins 2022 and less than 60 days until M comes home. 

He was declined parole again, although we were not surprised and honestly it would have reduced his time by maybe a month. 

The parole officer is supposed to contact us next week. That brings up a whole host of questions and concerns. We are pretty well known in our area so the chances are the PO will know who we are is pretty good. I guess we can only keep it quite so long. 

Wondering about how this will impact our lives is the biggest thing right now. 

Are they going to make surprise visits and expect to search our house? 

Are we going to have to lock everything up? Alcohol, guns, computers? 

I am supposed to get him an ID. How am I supposed to do that? 

Sigh

We will get through this. And he will be home. That is all that really matters. We are leaving the Christmas decorations up since he has missed a few. Although we may change our minds as we look at a Christmas tree for the next 2 months. I am excited to see him. It will work out.