Jobs

 I have read about the difficulty for SOs being able to find/keep jobs. M has been fortunate in that we have a close friend who knows about Ms situation and he rehabs houses and pools. So M has been hired on to do day labor work while on probation. In a bit of coincidence his PO actually knew this friend of ours so she was totally OK with M working for him even if it was not the most regular work. 

Since M has been off paper (probation) he has been chomping at the bit to find a regular job. He applied at a few places and actually was called for a couple of interviews. One of the jobs is for cabinet making which is what he was trained for while he was at Charleston. He was hired on the spot! 

They do know about his federal conviction and they are doing a background check. Now comes the waiting. We know of SOs who have been fired upon the background check results, even after having worked for a week or so. I hope M makes enough of a good impression that they will keep him! He is not getting his hopes up yet. And he is prepared for the results to not be good. 

Prayers!

The first Christmas in 3 years

What a wonderful Christmas! To me it was almost perfect. 

M called his uncle and they talked, well his uncle talked and M listened. He said 3 times how he would kill M if he had or does touch his daughter. I get that. But an uncle does not need to tell his nephew that he would kill him. M explained that it never had, he never would and he had no interest in his niece or any other child. And never had. 

Our BIL (Uncle) explained that his wife would need time and convincing. Which is exactly why we did not want them told in the first place. But that he loved and supported M and would be there for him if M ever needed it. The shocker came while we were at the family Christmas Eve gathering and our BIL shook Ms hand and gave him a hug. None of us were expecting that and M almost lost it. 

Christmas Eve was nice to see the family, if not a bit awkward especially for M. He was really nervous since this was the first time he had seen anyone in over 3 years. Overall it was pretty nice though.

Due to the weather and illness I got the Christmas I had dreamed of for years. Our immediate family was all together for the entire day. We did not have to run to the grandparents house. We got to have a relaxing casual Christmas at home. And I got to have it with all of my boys! It was perfect! One of our nephews joined us with his wife and 1 year old, we made homemade pizza and had a few drinks. We played a board game and enjoyed spending time together. 

I think it was my favorite Christmas ever.

I hope everyone that reads this has a wonderful Holiday and a blessed New Year. 

Thank you for listening to me do my thing to get through these trying times. It will not always be wonderful. There are tough times ahead I am sure. But being able to put it all down here is helpful to me and hopefully it can help others who might be going through similar issues or even help someone understand a bit more what families go through.

Drama be damned

 It turns out Christmas will actually be enjoyable this year! Through no fault of our own. 

M called his uncle who did not answer. Convenient. He left a message answering his questions and offering to answer any more if he calls back. Which of course he has not done. I really don't expect him to. 

I guess BIL had told Hubby that if he does not get a chance to talk to M that he would just confront him at Christmas. Yeah that's not gonna happen! 

We had pretty much decided we would just stay home except for Christmas at the in laws when mt MIL called and said they are postponing Christmas until New Years day because the weather, illness etc. 

So guess what? I get Christmas at home with our boys and the grandson! 

It is pretty sad that I am so excited about this turn of events. But I just can't help it. I am happy.

Ugh More Drama

 And the BILs drama continues. He finally answered a call from hubby. Then complained about all of this happening around the Holidays. Right, hubby has been calling him for 2 years!

Of course it is still our fault. Our fault that we did not confide in him right away, because of course it is all about him. He has kids so of course we were supposed to notify him right away and M was supposed to write a long letter and explain himself while in prison. And why did M plead guilty. He would have more respect for him if he had was still in prison because he fought it. And it just goes on and on but ultimately it comes down to M has destroyed the family. 

Our boys have never really liked their uncle. He has never been the kind of uncle that they would have looked up to. Every family gathering he would cause some sort of drama by arguing with people or in the case of our boys, yelling at them. He told our oldest once that he was embarrassed to share the same last name. He screamed and yelled at him for smoking while his own wife smoked. He softened slightly when he had his own kids but by that time the damage was done. 

In contrast our M and J are the fun uncles. C comes over and the two of them play with him all day. C loves his uncles and I think he visits just so he can play with them! 

M is going to call his uncle today. He is not going to "explain himself" or beg forgiveness but offer to answer any questions BIL may have, which has been offered to anyone that knows. And a few of the family have actually called to talk to him and ask questions. 

M had a couple of drinks last night. We all did. 

Guess it might be a quiet Christmas spent at home again. 

Decorating

 It has been over 6 years since M has been home to decorate for Christmas. 3 inside and 3 in the military. Yesterday he got to help decorate the tree. 

I had my moments. When I hung the ornaments from my Daddys tree for the first time and when I hung the ornament that my biological father gave me, both now gone. 

But it was good. 

It will not always be easy but for now my heart is full. 

Thanksgiving 2.0

 Thanksgiving has come and gone and it was surprisingly nice. The only fault I have with it is that our oldest and his wife were not here. 

M got his first real Thanksgiving in over 4 years. Last Thanksgiving they ran out of food at the brig so he had mashed potato's. This year I made everything he loves and made sure he got plenty! 

In years past we have had the entire family of 30+ people over. This year I decided we were going small. Due to the flu we went from 6 to 12, but I am ok with that. We had a relaxing day, too much to eat and time out by the fire with drinks before cutting into the pies. M had his first drink in 3 years! 

It was good. 

Family Drama

 So tired of entitled family members who think that what M did is all about them. 

I am so tired of my MIL trying to fix the issues with us and my BIL and his wife. Apparently we are the ones that need to contact them and explain (AGAIN) about M and reassure them. We are the ones who should reach out to them. We are the ones that should invite them to Thanksgiving so that they can confront M. Because it is all about them.

Right Not Happening

This did not impact them in any way. This does not change their lives. They did not lose a son for 3 years. They are not the ones who have had to explain this to people. They did not spend months in tears. They did not have to turn their lives upside down when he came home. 

They are the ones who told us they would support M and us. They were the ones who turned their backs on us and then told their 10 year old daughter to fear M. They were the ones to stop taking our calls. They are the ones who give us the cold shoulder at family get togethers. 

Yet we are the ones that have to console them.

Fuck that. I'm done with them. If they want a relationship with us they need to reach out to us. 

I'm done