This is not the normal me. I feel like I am languishing. I can't seem to get much done right now. I don't feel like myself. I think the mental stress is getting to me.
At least M seems to be doing well. He calls and talks about board games and jobs and the large library. And he sounds like his normal upbeat self.
I am grateful for that.
I however am drowning in stress. The combination of him being in prison and the stress of the business and hubby working nights and not seeing him, is just breaking me down. I am always on the verge of tears.
I went to church alone Sunday. Granted it was to do pro bono work for them but I enjoyed worship for the first time in a long time. I felt like I needed to be there. But that upbeat feeling has turned into tears tonight as I sit here trying to get myself to do work stuff again. And I just can't bring myself to be creative. To even think about the business.
It is obvious to me that I am suffering from combination of depression and aging but that does not help.
It breaks my heart reading this, after the relatively happy update of the last post. I don't know what I can say that could possibly make it better, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You're stronger than you know.
ReplyDeleteI think some days are better than others. It all seems to happen at once. I am just tired. I know it will get better, I am just hopeful it comes sooner rather than later.
DeleteThank you for your support, it is truly appreciated.
I definitely feel your pain. It is hard. I'm thinking I remember you were trying an antidepressant, is that right? Not that it will make everything better but if you get it right it can help you to just keep up with the rest of life while you deal with the grief and all the yucky adjustments.
ReplyDeleteI'm going through the stress of repercussions of our experience on my relationship with my son, which brings me a lot of sadness, and also my brother was arrested a couple weeks ago on an unrelated charge and I've been trying to take care of his affairs and have a lot of stress in making decisions on how to deal with him. So I'm back in a pretty rough place. I'm glad I started taking some antidepressants because at least I have the energy to still go to work and get basic stuff done at home. Basically trying to keep my depression from making a bad situation even worse.
It sounds like your work is something that requires you to be creative. That is so hard when you're depressed. I was starting to write quite a bit but recently with things going downhill I haven't been able to do that anymore. So I can relate to your difficulty there too. You are in my prayers (when I can bring myself to pray).
I just typed out a long response and it disappeared....Sigh
DeleteThis too shall pass
Hope you don't mind if I share, I had a joint therapy with my son and I guess my takeaway is that it is going to be a long, slow route to reconciling with him. I have to get used to our strained relationship as the new normal. I guess I've already gotten used to my daughter being distant emotionally. So many times this weekend I've thought of your sentiment: The New Normal Sucks!
ReplyDelete