M has been at Charleston for over 10 days now. The waiting for a phone call or letter is almost unbearable. The not knowing how he is doing, what his life is like there, if he is ok, is heart wrenching.
We are trying to get back to some semblance of real life. Although it is made more difficult because hubby is still working nights to help with the bills. We have socialized a little bit in the last couple of weeks. The question of how is M doing in the Air Force was of course asked. And we acted like all was well. It is harder meeting with friends since they do not know. One friend of mine is persistent in asking what is going on since she knows things are not great and she guessed accurately that something is going on with M, she is retired military. Funny not funny, she was actually a prison guard for a few years. I think I will tell her at least some of it. I trust her.
Trust is key, of course. Knowing who to trust is much more difficult.
We have not been to church in months. It is hard when hubby has been working overtime on Saturdays and sleeps until 2 on Sunday. I miss church. Tuesdays small group helps but it can only do so much when there are usually 6 kids running chaos through the house while we try to talk.
There are times when I feel Him more. And now does not seem to be one of them. Maybe it is the winter blahs getting to me along with everything else.
The new normal sucks.
So true: "The new normal sucks."
ReplyDeleteI'm meeting with a friend tonight who has had one death after another in her life the last few years and says she hates the term "the new normal" so I'm going to tell her that quote, I'm sure she will agree.
I can relate too to the stress of being around people who have no clue and think everything is OK. Most of them I have no reason to tell and didn't want to, but still it's disconcerting. Like when last summer I went on a mission trip where we worked with kids and people were asking where my son was, that he was so good with the kids when he came the previous years. To know that that was true alongside knowing that the DA believed he should not be trusted around children, and not being able to let on to that, was just surreal.
Being around close friends when they didn't know yet was even harder though. Eventually I did tell them and it was a big relief. But each time we got together until then got more and more stressful as I knew I was hiding something big. I thought that when I told them they would say, "So that's what it is! I knew something was up with you." But instead they just said they had no idea. They have been very supportive of him and me since then. Hope that will be true of your ex-prison-guard friend.
The worse part is the not knowing how they will respond. I think she would be supportive of us. But I really don't know for sure. And hubby is adamant that I not tell her for fear she will tell others. So I am torn and just keep my mouth shut.
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