The letter that will never be sent

 

What do you want from us?

Do you want us to apologize for not telling you as soon as we knew?

Honestly there is no point. Nothing we tell you, obviously, is going to change what happened or how you feel. 

You complain about how you have lost your family and you can’t trust us. You did that to yourself. Do you think we have not lost a family? Do you think your wife texting/calling everyone to make sure they knew about what M did was going to ensure that we would have a relationship with anyone in our family?

Oh but that’s right, we did YOU wrong. You are the ones that have to suffer the burden of a child who went to prison for something unimaginable. You are the ones who had to try to explain to the family what happened while still trying to keep the family together. You were the ones who had to go through a child who did this. You are the ones who have to live with this.

But you are the ones who were betrayed because we did not tell you as soon as we knew what he had done, even though it had absolutely NOTHING to do with you. M has never and never would touch or do anything to your daughter. M does not even know where you live.

There was a comment made at the court martial by the prosecutor which was objected by M’s lawyers. That is the only mention of a niece.

The communications that were found in chat were fragments. He was being led to say things by the person/sting. Do I defend M? Hell no! There is no excuse for what was said or what he viewed.

You have no idea what we have been through the last few years. The pure hell we have been living through.

But you expect that we should have involved you in everything from the moment that we knew what he was being investigated for? From the very moment that we were told?

Well ok. I am sorry we did not tell you as soon as we got off the phone or left the court room. Because you are the only one who matters. YOUR family is the ONLY one impacted by this. Oh wait! Your family was NOT impacted by this. You just have this perceived thought that it does. That because you have a daughter who loved our son but was never around him alone or even for very long, that this is about you. That because he works “close” to where you live that he is stalking her? Even though he does not know where you live?

I am sorry your daughter feels like a victim, but that is not because of us. You were the ones who had her read the appeal.

I am sorry you feel like we should have involved you from the moment we knew, but that was not your decision to make. It was ours. And when your children grow up I hope you never have to make such a decision. I hope your children grow up perfect and you never have to go through what we have gone through.

I am sorry that we no longer have an extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. But I will be honest and say that we have never been close and ever since our boys were young you judged them and made them feel less than. From RJ being berated for smoking, even though your own wife smoked, to your wife losing her shit because MJ posted a meme that your wife disagreed with and then blocking us all when Trump won the election in 2016, to again going ballistic when he won this year. 

After serving almost 3 years in prison and 9 months of probation, M has served his time. He underwent psychological testing and therapy during that time and the therapist gave him a .001% chance that he would reoffend.

We can’t fix the issues you have with us. But you can and you should fix the issues you have with your parents. They did nothing wrong but support our family, just as they would support yours.

You don’t have to worry about us going to family events. We will not. We have always felt like the black sheep of the family so it is nothing new to us.

Goodbye

He speaks

Our Burden

We didn't tell the because it was not thier burden. It was our burden, our shame. It didn't involve them. They never cared enough about us to ask how we were doing. No "How are you holding up?" Nothing caring about us, only, "Why didn't you tell us?" 

It's not always about you! 

We are the ones going through this hell. Not you. Us. 

The nuclear option

 Our Christmas will be a lot smaller this year. I enjoyed having a large family while I had it, but I am fine with a small family, it's what I grew up with. 

Our SIL has gone and called the rest of the family to tell them about M. They knew about him but she found his appeal papers and they go into detail without context or explanation. So we will be staying home this year. 

She also found out where he works. His company accepts him. They did a background check and he actually told them before they hired him. But she swears he works too close to where they live and that M is somehow stalking their daughter. He does not even know where they live! If she causes him to lose his job, WE will go nuclear. I don't know if she knows about the girlfriend but I suspect if she does we can expect her to try to ruin that. 

There is a demon sitting on that woman. What kind of person does this?

Politics

 The SIL and BIL strike again. 

The same SIL and BIL who accepted M at the beginning of November have decided our family and Hubby's parents are in the wrong and we will not see them for Christmas. Or ever. 

Long story short, apparently the wrong side won the election and because we voted for the wrong side they were going to cut us all off. They called my in-laws and told them not to expect them for Thanksgiving and that they would not see them for Christmas because my FIL got into it with my BIL at one of the kids basketball games. A week later my BIL apologized and the in laws were back to going to the kids games and events. Well, my SIL did not like that. She decided to go nuclear. She texted my MIL a nasty message saying that she had seen M on FB and then sent my MIL M's appeal paperwork that she had found online. Accusing my in-laws of lying to them and submitting their children to M. And that they (the in-laws) knew and that they should have told them. And that the in-laws were at fault and they would not be allowed to see the kids. It went on quite a bit and was very nasty.

She called Hubby in a bad way. Distraught and not knowing what to do. 

My MIL has adult onset CF. She is not doing well right now. She is resistant to most antibiotics and needs to have them intravenously when it gets this bad. She told Hubby that there was no point to getting them anymore. 

Hubby messaged his brother and wife yesterday to throw himself on the sword. Taking blame and trying to convince them that my in-laws had knew nothing. Which they did not. None of us did. 

It has gotten nasty. Why would my SIL decide to go searching for M's case again? She is just crazed enough that this is her way of getting back at my in-laws. This is all she has. This is her silver bullet. We voted the wrong way. 

We are taking defensive measures on our own. We have all blocked her and my BIL on FB and I have blocked them from our business page. I think she could get M kicked off FB. But if she goes after the business there will be a problem. 

I don't know what else to do. We have already decided we are done with them. They will NOT destroy my family! I do hope they forgive my in-laws. 

Fear

 Unfounded or not it sneaks in. 

Today a 17 year old went missing in our subdivision. 

The location of our house is on a creek with a main road out front and a bridge over the creek. This afternoon we noticed a couple of people parked outside our house yelling a boys name over the bridge. We did not think much about it, people lose their dogs down at the creek all the time. I ran out and came home to 2 police cars sitting on the bridge with police wandering around. Hubby said that the police had stopped by and asked if we had seen the boy. He had gone fishing and was no where to be found now. We had not seen him. There is a pond up the street where people fish all of the time so honestly I thought they were in the wrong place. 

M came home shortly after I did and asked what was going on. "Shit, I saw that kid fishing at the pond when I came home from work" He goes out with Hubby to tell the police what he saw. They took his information and thanked him. When he cam back in, it occurred to all of us, that our house and his name were on the registry and the first thing they might think if they don't find the kid is that M had something to do with it. 

He has an alibi of course, he was home with us from the time he got off work to when he went out to dinner with his girlfriend. 

But the fear is still there. 

What if. 

The police have gone. I think it is too dark to look if they did not find him. I hope they did. If they don't our house may be the first place they stop. 

I hope they find him

Edit to add: They found him! 

Under attack

 Back in July our youngest was moved to pray during church. God spoke to him that day. And J had an experience that I hope for myself. He spoke in tongues! Amazing!

He found himself led to get more involved and he has since done so. He reached out and he is now involved with the young adults ministry and with his girlfriend they take care of the 2 year old's during services. 

We are so proud of him! 

A couple of weeks later he was driving to work and was stopped at a light. A semi truck barreled into him, pushing his car into the one in front of him. He was knocked out briefly and both cars were totaled. He survived! Actually he walked away! He did go to the emergency room and they found he had a concussion but other than some minor cuts from broken glass he is fine. 

                                                            He was hit by a semi truck! 

And he walked away!

He told us later he was listening to the Bible, Exodus to be exact. 

He is still dealing with the insurance companies. The trucker is not an English speaker and was also uninsured. So of course everything is complicated. His insurance company does not offer a rental so he borrowed my SUV and has been driving that until he can get a new car once the insurance is cleared up.

Monday we get a call from J. He was in another car accident. Someone ran a red light. J was crossing the intersection, saw the car coming and slammed on his brakes but could not stop in time. 

Again he is ok! The other car is totaled and my SUV is old so the insurance will probably total it as well, but it is drivable. 

What is going on? Neither accident was his fault and both could have killed him. He is under attack and God is keeping him safe. 

God has a hand and a plan for J. Satan is trying to get rid of him and God is keeping him alive. It is the only answer! 

Pray for him. Pray for our son, because I think he needs it!