He called 3 days in a row! Incredible! The first time he called I am embarrassed to say I was incredibly excited.
We only had a couple of minutes before he was called away for some sort of lock down. I did pretty well, I did not cry until I hung up the phone. I am pretty proud of myself. I am a crier, big time. So I was convinced the first time I heard his voice I would lose it. The main thing he said "It sucks".
He sounded so down I just wanted to hug him. It is a terrible thing when you can't hug your baby.
I was surprised when he called again the next day. Hubby got to talk to him because I was working. He felt so bad when he found out his Dad had to pick up a night job to help pay the lawyer bills. Hubby just told him he will have to be the one to take care of us in our old age. He seemed in better spirits and asked for money for the commissary which they can visit on Sundays. Since he is confined in a pretrial area until he goes to his "permanent" confinement, he gets limited use of the common area.
Then he called a third time! This time to talk to me. We had asked him for a list of books so that we can have them sent via Amazon. He has always been a voracious reader. He had already read three books in the first few days. He said getting books is like doing a drug deal. You have to "buy" them with other books or food from the commissary.
I have been pleasantly surprised at the cost of the calls. I had read horror stories of $1-3 a minute, so I put $15 in his phone account thinking I would have to refill it after each phone call. Instead we have had 3 calls and it has cost less than $3.
We received a letter today as well. He told us what he was telling others as he was advised to not say why he is really in. His story is that he was carrying a pound of weed in his trunk with scales and baggies onto base and a drug sniffing dog "sat" on his car. It seems to be going over well. Funny thing is he does not even seem realize how much actual pot a pound is!
He is getting along well with the older men and seems to be doing ok.
If the amount of letters and calls seems like a lot, it probably is for most people. We have always been a very close family. He says he plans on calling every couple of days if possible to keep in touch. This is our boy.
This is how we raised him.
He is not a monster.
Why are you embarrassed to say you were excited to hear from your son? I'm so glad you did get to talk to him.
ReplyDeleteI think it was more a feeling of guilt, I think, because of where he is I should not really be excited. Maybe it is more what other people would think of me. Like, how could you be excited, he's in prison. It is all in my head.
DeleteI'm glad you've had more contact with your son, I know it was very hard for you before. And of course he's not a monster, you know your son and all the good in him, his crimes do not define him in the least. He has much time to build a meaningful, amazing life.
ReplyDeleteI just started going to a new Bible study and the leader pointed out something that I've thought about a lot, that it's totally fine to have more than one emotion at a time, to go back and forth, to have mixed feelings. He was saying it in the context that you can give thanks even when you are feeling crappy and things really are crappy--that being thankful doesn't mean bad stuff isn't happening, that you don't have to wait to be in a good mood to give thanks. But I was thinking about how the Psalms really illustrate this--so many of them either start out full of praise and thanks and end up complaining or asking God to punish your enemies, or the other way around. So I would say, it's fine to be excited to hear his voice, while also being sad and worried and ashamed that he is in prison, and even being proud of how he is handling himself in that situation.
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