It doesn't feel like Christmas

Not one bit.
Yes we have a tree up and I have made some Christmas cookies and a few, very few presents have been purchased.
But it feels like we are just going through the motions. There is no joy or excitement. Nothing to look forward to.
The past two years have revolved around M and just getting through it all. It did not help that in that time we were hit by 90 mile an hour straight line winds and had to rebuild our house, our business has been suffering because of stress, we have decimated our savings to help M and a multitude of other stress' to make our lives hell.
We can relate to the Book of Job. It feels like the devil has been given free reign in our lives.
We try to find little moments of joy, but they are few and far in between. It is about surviving now. Trying to keep our heads about the waves that keep growing as if there is a hurricane surrounding us. We have always said we are blessed. Blessed to have our health and a roof over our heads. God always seemed to provide when our business slowed down in the winter. We have always had just enough work to pay the bills.
But that is not the case anymore. Hubby has had to pick up a job for the first time in 30 years of being in business. How do people get by on just $15 an hour? We are going to be selling our office space and working from home to save on expenses. And we are looking into every form of advertising possible, not that we have the money to pay for it. Our credit has been destroyed and the credit cards are maxed. It is not just M who has been punished by what he did.
Maybe I am more depressed because I have been sick for 3 weeks now and I am just sick of being sick. Or maybe it is all just hitting home that nothing will ever be the same again.