Hubby has taken a job working nights.
Our youngest is with friends.
Our oldest is with his family.
Our middles is on jail.
And I am sitting home alone.
I am working with Doctor Who as my background noise. It is the episode where Rory is taken back in time by the Weeping Angels and the love of his life decides to go with him leaving everything else behind.
I always cry a little.
But as I look up to watch the last scene the tears become sobs. Because like Amy and Rory life will never be the same.
It has actually been a while since I have cried. But for some reason sitting here alone triggered the reality that life really sucks right now.
I spent Christmas day at the in-laws house with the entire family, worrying about who was going to spill the beans. The 4 year old who knows his uncle is in jail? Or the mother in law who can't stand keeping a secret. Or would it be the nephew who despises us for random reasons and somehow seems to know?
The one bright spot in all of this hell is the grandson. He comes in cheery and with a ready hug and chatters incessantly. He will snuggle with his Mimi and offer me snacks. 4 year olds are oblivious to it all.
My lack of time with my husband and knowing that my son is in jail though, takes over my emotional state. Today is a bad day. I am barely holding back the tears.
Life really really sucks right now.
Yeah, unfortunately there's no way around it, you have to go through it.
ReplyDeleteToday in church I was reminded of hearing the song Breath of Heaven last year and how these words brought me to tears
I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now
Glad you have the 4 year old as a bright spot!
I'm so so sorry you feel so down, I know the holidays can be tough. I know there's not much I can do to make it better for your family, but you're not alone. You'll find strength, and this too shall pass, no matter how much it sounds like empty platitudes.
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