So much has happened the last year. Although it has been a rough 5 or 6 years that this one just seems like a nail on the coffin. Sometimes we feel like Job. But you could say "But you have your health and no one has died" ...well yeah...sure. We have our health. Sigh. Here is our history of the last few years in a cliffs notes version:
Robbed 3x
Tornado tore through our house.
Oldest son dropped out of college, moved home, went on a destructive drug abuse binge, got a girl pregnant, moved out, got married, moved back with child and new wife, moved out again.
Middle son, dropped out of college, moved home, joined Air Force, ruined everything now in jail.
Youngest son, graduated high school, never went to college, still living at home, dead end job, stoner, no drivers license.
Business failing due to economy and hiring someone who destroyed clients trust in us.
Husband had to take terrible job to pay for middles sons lawyer bills and general bills from business failing.
But we have our health.
In all of this I have been trying to find God.
Being robbed forced us to upgrade the gear we need for our business.
The tornado meant we got all new windows and carpet which we desperately needed.
Oldest son gave us a wonderful grandson.
Middle son...well he is in Bible study while in jail.
Youngest son...we are still working on that.
Oh and we have our health.
They say God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes so mysterious there is no way to figure them out. I know that I have not been praying as much as I should. We have not gone to church in forever because hubby has to sleep until 1 or 2 because he works until 5am. We have our small group every week but honestly if we did not host it at our house I would not go. It just feels like so much. Too much.
But I know in my heart of hearts that He is still there. I don't think He is testing us. I do think the other IS testing us. Trying to get us to deny God. But as bad as things are and have been I can't deny God. I can't deny my Father. I don't call him enough but He will not stop loving me regardless. It is up to me to call on Him.
So yes, we have our health, but we also have our Faith. Even if it is as small as a mustard seed right now. All is not lost even though sometimes it feels like it is.
Wow... You have been through a lot. I feel for you and the difficulty you have had with your sons. There is something in this culture, something that is derailing young men. It is hard to put a finger on just what it is. I too have felt tested lately. I just lost a dear friend, and she was such a wonderful person. I ask, why her? Sometimes all we have it faith. I will keep you in my prayers.
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