Well Christmas has come and gone. The kids were all here which was nice. It seemed a bit chaotic but I think that is to be expected. It was all a blur. It did not help that Hubby and I were coming down with Covid. Lovely Christmas present. The last few days have been spent being miserable.
And onto other news, the crazy bitch has struck again. She apparently contacted our DIL. Another fire for us to put out.
That is the only word I can come up with. The woman is insane. She ordered the trial transcript. She is upset that we blocked her from our Facebook business page since we did not want her to bad mouth us to the public.
I can't believe this is still happening. She is such a nasty person.
My heart is broken
Yesterday I was ready to explode. I don't think I have ever been so angry or so full of hate as I was yesterday.
M called on his way home from work. He was called by the county sheriff and told that he needed to come in so they could set up a profile with them.
Bit of a back story, we live 20 min from another state and he works in that other state. He had called the county sheriff when he got the job to find out if he needed to register with that state and how to go about doing that, since he is registered in our home state. They told him since he was already registered in our home state he did not need to register there.
Fast forward to yesterday. He gets to the office and they don't have time to see him but they mention that there had been an anonymous tip and they needed to do a profile on him so to come back Monday.
An anonymous tip. Like we don't know who that was. The malicious C that is my SIL.
I started a study in my Bible app last week on forgiveness. I actually missed yesterday and I am glad because it made today, which was supposed to be yesterday, very fitting and I was able to receive it in the way that I should have.
"Father forgive them for they know not what they do"
That was Jesus asking God, our Father to forgive those who were murdering him. If He can do it, surely I can. No it is not easy! Far from it. But it is worth it for the feeling that I have today.
"Jesus teaches us that even in moments of great pain, it is important to seek forgiveness for those who have hurt us. This request helps keep us from becoming trapped in bitterness and blame, granting us the freedom to move forward." ICF Munchen "Forgiveness and Reconciliation"
Forgiveness is so incredibly important to our well being and mental state.
"Be Still and Know"
What do you want from us?
Do you want us to apologize for not telling you as soon as we knew?
Honestly there is no point. Nothing we tell you, obviously, is going to change what happened or how you feel.
You complain about how you have lost your family and you can’t trust us. You did that to yourself. Do you think we have not lost a family? Do you think your wife texting/calling everyone to make sure they knew about what M did was going to ensure that we would have a relationship with anyone in our family?
Oh but that’s right, we did YOU wrong. You are the ones that have to suffer the burden of a child who went to prison for something unimaginable. You are the ones who had to try to explain to the family what happened while still trying to keep the family together. You were the ones who had to go through a child who did this. You are the ones who have to live with this.
But you are the ones who were betrayed because we did not tell you as soon as we knew what he had done, even though it had absolutely NOTHING to do with you. M has never and never would touch or do anything to your daughter. M does not even know where you live.
There was a comment made at the court martial by the prosecutor which was objected by M’s lawyers. That is the only mention of a niece.
The communications that were found in chat were fragments. He was being led to say things by the person/sting. Do I defend M? Hell no! There is no excuse for what was said or what he viewed.
You have no idea what we have been through the last few years. The pure hell we have been living through.
But you expect that we should have involved you in everything from the moment that we knew what he was being investigated for? From the very moment that we were told?
Well ok. I am sorry we did not tell you as soon as we got off the phone or left the court room. Because you are the only one who matters. YOUR family is the ONLY one impacted by this. Oh wait! Your family was NOT impacted by this. You just have this perceived thought that it does. That because you have a daughter who loved our son but was never around him alone or even for very long, that this is about you. That because he works “close” to where you live that he is stalking her? Even though he does not know where you live?
I am sorry your daughter feels like a victim, but that is not because of us. You were the ones who had her read the appeal.
I am sorry you feel like we should have involved you from the moment we knew, but that was not your decision to make. It was ours. And when your children grow up I hope you never have to make such a decision. I hope your children grow up perfect and you never have to go through what we have gone through.
I am sorry that we no longer have an extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. But I will be honest and say that we have never been close and ever since our boys were young you judged them and made them feel less than. From RJ being berated for smoking, even though your own wife smoked, to your wife losing her shit because MJ posted a meme that your wife disagreed with and then blocking us all when Trump won the election in 2016, to again going ballistic when he won this year.
After serving almost 3 years in prison and 9 months of probation, M has served his time. He underwent psychological testing and therapy during that time and the therapist gave him a .001% chance that he would reoffend.
We can’t fix the issues you have with us. But you can and you should fix the issues you have with your parents. They did nothing wrong but support our family, just as they would support yours.
You don’t have to worry about us going to family events. We will not. We have always felt like the black sheep of the family so it is nothing new to us.
Goodbye
Our Christmas will be a lot smaller this year. I enjoyed having a large family while I had it, but I am fine with a small family, it's what I grew up with.
Our SIL has gone and called the rest of the family to tell them about M. They knew about him but she found his appeal papers and they go into detail without context or explanation. So we will be staying home this year.
She also found out where he works. His company accepts him. They did a background check and he actually told them before they hired him. But she swears he works too close to where they live and that M is somehow stalking their daughter. He does not even know where they live! If she causes him to lose his job, WE will go nuclear. I don't know if she knows about the girlfriend but I suspect if she does we can expect her to try to ruin that.
There is a demon sitting on that woman. What kind of person does this?
The SIL and BIL strike again.
The same SIL and BIL who accepted M at the beginning of November have decided our family and Hubby's parents are in the wrong and we will not see them for Christmas. Or ever.
Long story short, apparently the wrong side won the election and because we voted for the wrong side they were going to cut us all off. They called my in-laws and told them not to expect them for Thanksgiving and that they would not see them for Christmas because my FIL got into it with my BIL at one of the kids basketball games. A week later my BIL apologized and the in laws were back to going to the kids games and events. Well, my SIL did not like that. She decided to go nuclear. She texted my MIL a nasty message saying that she had seen M on FB and then sent my MIL M's appeal paperwork that she had found online. Accusing my in-laws of lying to them and submitting their children to M. And that they (the in-laws) knew and that they should have told them. And that the in-laws were at fault and they would not be allowed to see the kids. It went on quite a bit and was very nasty.
She called Hubby in a bad way. Distraught and not knowing what to do.
My MIL has adult onset CF. She is not doing well right now. She is resistant to most antibiotics and needs to have them intravenously when it gets this bad. She told Hubby that there was no point to getting them anymore.
Hubby messaged his brother and wife yesterday to throw himself on the sword. Taking blame and trying to convince them that my in-laws had knew nothing. Which they did not. None of us did.
It has gotten nasty. Why would my SIL decide to go searching for M's case again? She is just crazed enough that this is her way of getting back at my in-laws. This is all she has. This is her silver bullet. We voted the wrong way.
We are taking defensive measures on our own. We have all blocked her and my BIL on FB and I have blocked them from our business page. I think she could get M kicked off FB. But if she goes after the business there will be a problem.
I don't know what else to do. We have already decided we are done with them. They will NOT destroy my family! I do hope they forgive my in-laws.
Unfounded or not it sneaks in.
Today a 17 year old went missing in our subdivision.
The location of our house is on a creek with a main road out front and a bridge over the creek. This afternoon we noticed a couple of people parked outside our house yelling a boys name over the bridge. We did not think much about it, people lose their dogs down at the creek all the time. I ran out and came home to 2 police cars sitting on the bridge with police wandering around. Hubby said that the police had stopped by and asked if we had seen the boy. He had gone fishing and was no where to be found now. We had not seen him. There is a pond up the street where people fish all of the time so honestly I thought they were in the wrong place.
M came home shortly after I did and asked what was going on. "Shit, I saw that kid fishing at the pond when I came home from work" He goes out with Hubby to tell the police what he saw. They took his information and thanked him. When he cam back in, it occurred to all of us, that our house and his name were on the registry and the first thing they might think if they don't find the kid is that M had something to do with it.
He has an alibi of course, he was home with us from the time he got off work to when he went out to dinner with his girlfriend.
But the fear is still there.
What if.
The police have gone. I think it is too dark to look if they did not find him. I hope they did. If they don't our house may be the first place they stop.
I hope they find him
Edit to add: They found him!
Back in July our youngest was moved to pray during church. God spoke to him that day. And J had an experience that I hope for myself. He spoke in tongues! Amazing!
He found himself led to get more involved and he has since done so. He reached out and he is now involved with the young adults ministry and with his girlfriend they take care of the 2 year old's during services.
We are so proud of him!
A couple of weeks later he was driving to work and was stopped at a light. A semi truck barreled into him, pushing his car into the one in front of him. He was knocked out briefly and both cars were totaled. He survived! Actually he walked away! He did go to the emergency room and they found he had a concussion but other than some minor cuts from broken glass he is fine.
He was hit by a semi truck!
Yep! M has a girlfriend.
For most people that would not be something to shout from the rooftops about, but for M, it is! He had resigned himself to never finding someone who would accept him and be as nerdy as he is. He swore he would never marry. Thanks to a friend he reconnected with this Spring. This was his best friend in high school. They lost touch when he went into the military partially due to some bullshit that happened with another friend. When M came home we encouraged him to reach out and he was afraid to. Well God works in mysterious ways!
J is in a bowling league with his girlfriends dad. While bowling one evening he met the brother of M's buddy. The brother contacted M's buddy and got them reconnected. Now M and J are both in the friends wedding this fall! LOL!
The friend, I will call him JD, who has accepted M and loves him dearly, found out about M's fear of girls and not being accepted. JD has a female friend who he worked with at a movie theater and is extremely nerdy. He and his fiancé started to invite her to get togethers with M. J and his girlfriend got wind of it and started doing the same thing! M and B (The girlfriend) started to talk and discovered how much alike they are and now they are inseparable! It is like they have been together for years.
M says she is the female version of him. And he says he is going to marry her! We could not be happier for him. He has been through so much and it is wonderful to see him happy again. Things will not be easy, of course, especially once they have kids. But for now he is happy and in love and I am thrilled to see it!
God answers Prayers!
The asshole being our oldest son. Sigh
I love him, don't get me wrong. But he can and is a real asshole.
Our Faith is very important to us and it was to him when he was young, before his life went in a direction where he is not happy due to decisions he has made and drugs that has done. Now he has decided that there is no God and anyone who believes in Him is an idiot and deserves his mockery and derision.
Honestly it is painful. We raised our sons to be strong in Faith. There has been so many times when prayers were answered and miracles happened that we would be blind to not believe.
Hubby and I have both given him over to God. Somehow we were praying for the same thing in church one morning. And we know that nothing we can do will turn him around. Only God can do that. I am not sure how He will do it, but we know He will. Until then we will continue to pray and continue to look for the day when he is called by God to follow Him again.
It will happen. God always prevails.
It's Fine. Everything is Fine.
The newest term added to the family language lexicon. Our youngest added it at the hospital during the days after Hubby's heart malfunction.
It seems to fit quite often. A sarcastic way of admitting to being fine but not really "fine".
Most of the time we really are just fine. However there are quite a few times lately when "fine" takes on that other meaning.
When the oldest and his wife throw their lives into a tailspin so that she can quit her job and start a new career and they no longer have her income so they decide to sell their house and move in with her mother. There is a lot more there to unpack but that is the short version. "It's Fine"
When M gets billed by the military but is able to get a smaller payment for a year, knowing that they want that 50K paid off in 3 years and at 150 a month that wont cut it. "It's fine"
When we are approved for Medicaid because the business is not doing as well so we do not make any money. "It's Fine"
When the business is not doing as well so we sold off the brick and mortar location and we are able to pay the bills now. "It's Fine"
Honestly though, I don't have many complaints. Because we are blessed beyond belief. God has made all of these "bad" things into good things or at least better for the time being. We are paying the bills. We do have Medicaid to pay for the many many medications Hubby is now on. M is making payments towards his new debt. And it is all really Fine.
( Except for the oldest, we need prayer for the oldest. He has decided he no longer believes in God and that Faith is a cult.)
They continue to pay you until your contract is up and then demand the money back 3 years later.
Yeah that is the short version.
While M was inside he continued to get paid even though he should not have been. We talked to the lawyer, we contacted the Air Force. We talked to everyone we could but he continued to get paid. Once his contract was up, the payments stopped. We threw our hands up and said mkay, we did everything we could to figure it out. We heard nothing.
Fast forward to M being home for 2 years and off contract for 3 and now they want their money back. And not just the money they paid, but they have tacked on 3% interest for the past 3 years. They have had his contact information for 3 years! And suddenly they expect him to pay a lump sum of 55,000 or 1500 every month for the next 3 years.
He makes 23,000 a year. After his expenses he has less than $500 left every month. He still lives with us because he can't afford a house or apartment.
Gotta love the government. When they want to screw you they do it in a big way.
The theme at church the last few weeks have been about servanthood and the GOATs of our church. This past Sunday was a bit different and it hit home for me "Love is a Verb" I love this!
Rob says I have childlike faith. I guess this is because most normal people question or doubt God at some point in their lives and I have never done that. I have just always believed and always trusted in Him.
I am a full proponent of the commandments Love God and Love your Neighbor. Not to say that I have never judged people, because I am human after all. But I do believe that EVERYONE deserves/needs Gods love. And that it is not my place to place judgement on others, how they live, how they do things etc.
It is not our place to judge others but to Love others unconditionally. So why do we still feel the need to judge others? Do we think that we are like God? We are a lost people. When we ate the apple at the beginning of known time we opened ourselves up to sin. We are stubborn and we were given free will. It is what we choose to do with that free will that causes so much pain and strife in our lives. We tell people how we think they should be instead of showing them love. We judge them and put them down instead of showing them love. This needs to stop. As Christians we should be showing others how to live in Gods grace by showing them unconditional love. Again it is not our place to judge them, only to love them.
“Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love”
We can try to live sinless lives. But personally I do not think that is possible. I do believe that as Christlike as we try to be, as long as we believe that Christ died for us, that all will be forgiven. He promised us we were forgiven. We live in a sin filled world, we are not and can not be perfect, only He is. But what we can do is to love. Love others.
Love is a Verb
Another year has come and gone. There were triumphs and scares amidst the daily blessings.
The largest triumph and scare being Rs aortic aneurism. I hope to never have to live through that again. But then again, seeing the work of God and the true miracle of life was worth it. We have learned a lot since then and we have learned to not take anything for granted. God is Good!
Ms dating hit a roadblock when the girl he was seeing went back to college and home. We knew it could not possibly work out, because of her living so far away and still being in college but we had hope for M because he really liked her. For now the dating apps are closed and he is working hard at his job where he was just made a custom carpenter after less than a year of working there. Things are looking up!
J is holding out on proposing to his girlfriend for now after a slight falling out with her parents. It really would not change much. LOL! We already consider her a daughter and she thinks of us as in-laws. He is starting to be disillusioned with his job after seeing how well M is treated at his job. Js Christmas bonus was pretty small and he does not feel like he is making enough money. I think the sheet metal apprenticeship will be a good thing but he is not very patient!
RJ and A are making things work. Their marriage is certainly not what we would have wanted for him, but he is making is work. The new baby is absolutely adorable and C is as spoiled as ever. We took C to the Creation museum and the Ark over the Holiday's and he loved them both. At the Ark he started asking questions about God and Jesus, which surprised us since RJ has renounced his belief and is very vocal about it, but it was great to see and hear Cs excitement about Jesus. So there is hope.
I am looking forward to seeing what the year ahead has for in store for us. Praying for good things! I know there are a few people who read my rambles here and I appreciate the support! I want to wish you a Happy and Blessed New Year!
