24 hours
That is the goal.
To get through 24 hours without crying.
It has been 4 days and I have yet to achieve that. The problem is, every time I think about him or see a picture the waterworks start. I just can't stop them.
Doing research on the prison..tears fall
I look up and see his picture in his ABUs and Security Forces hat...tears fall
We talk about how we can't believe he would do this...tears fall.
It is all still so raw. So much pain I can't even comprehend. But then her I am. Pain. Tears. Disbelief.
How do parents and families get through this. I had to tell my mother today. She said "I can't believe it. It's "my sons name"!
That is the thing. He was the "good" one. The one even his older brother looked up to. How could HE do this? How?
Hubby and I are having a hard time with this. We take it out on each other. We are both in pain. We are both always on the verge of tears. After 29 years of marriage and raising 3 sons in what we thought was "The way that they should go" we are sniping and snapping at each other. It should NOT be this way. No family should have to go through this.
We want to support him. We will always love him. But maybe this is in God's plan. As much as we don't want think that. Maybe he needs the therapy that he will get in prison to get his head back on straight.
I don't want that to be the case because it is easier to blame God than it is to blame my son.
Dear God, Father, please help this family come to terms with the mistake that his son made. Help us to see that this is in your plan. ( That is really really hard)
Hi, brknhrt here. It took me months to get through a whole day without crying. Your situation is harder in many ways and mine is harder in others, but a lot of similarities. The "How could HE do THAT?" is definitely the same. The first time I talked to my son after I found out what he did, I started by playing a video of Mr. Rogers singing this song he wrote. (You may be able to find a video of him singing it personally on Youtube--they aren't official so often get taken down.) After all the deep thought and anguish of processing this new reality for over a year, I haven't really found anything that says it better:
ReplyDeleteSometimes people are good
And they do just what they should
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes
It's funny, but it's true
It's the same, isn't it, for me and you.